Once there was a very handsome, pious, well educated young man, whose parents emphasised for him to get married. They had seen so many marriage proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was becoming a little ridiculous or suspected that he may have someone else in mind.
However every time the parents left the girls house, the young man would always say “She’s not the one!” The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing (which was hard to find). However one evening his mother arranged for him, to meet a girl, who was religious and practicing.
On that evening, the young man and girl were left to talk and ask questions on each other (as one would expect). The young man, being a gentleman, he allowed the young lady to ask first.
The young girl asked the young man so many questions. She asked about his life, his education, his friends, his family, his habits, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his time pass, his experiences, his shoe size and his likes and dislikes. Basically everything!
And the young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring and politely with a smile. Young girl took up nearly all of the time, over an hour and felt bad and asked the young man do you have any questions?
Young man said, “Yes, I only have 3 questions…”.
Young girl replied, “Wow, only 3 questions! Okay, go ahead and shoot.”
Young man’s first question was:
Who do you love the most in the world, someone who’s love nothing would ever overcome?
She said,this is an easy question! Answer to your question is my mother.
Young man smiled and asked second question:
You said that you read a lot of Quran, could you tell me which Surahs you know the meaning of?
Hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said, “I do not know the meaning of any yet, but I am hoping to soon, Inshallah, I have just been a bit busy.”
The third question the young man asked, was:
I have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are lot more prettier than you, why should I marry you?
Hearing this, the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents with fury and said, “I do not want to marry this man he is insulting my beauty and intelligence.”
And the young man and his parents were once again, left without an agreement of marriage. This time, the young man’s parents were really angry and asked, “What did you do to anger that young girl, the family was so nice and pleasant, and they were religious like you wanted. What did you ask the girl? Tell us!”
Young man said, “Firstly I asked her, whom do she love the most? She said, her mother.”. The parents said, “So, what is wrong with that?”
The man said, “No one, is Muslim, until he loves Allah (SWT) and his Messenger more than anyone else in the world. If a woman loves Allah (SWT) and Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) more than anyone, she will love me and respect me and stay faithful to me, because of that love and fear for Allah (SWT). And we can share this love, because this love is greater than lust for beauty.”
Young man said, then I asked, “You read a lot of Holy Qur’an, can you tell me the meaning of any Surah? And she said no because she haven’t found any free time yet”. So I remembered the saying of Imam Shafi’i, “All humans are dead except those who have knowledge … And all those who have knowledge are asleep, except those who do good deeds .. And those who do good are deceived, except those who are sincere … And those who are sincere are always in a state of worry (for others). She has lived 20 years on this earth and not found any time, to seek knowledge, why would I marry a woman, who does not know her rights and responsibilities and what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the woman is the Madrasah (school) and the best of teachers. And a woman, who has no time for Allah (SWT), will not have time for her husband.”
“The third question I asked her was, that a lot of girls, more prettier than her, had approached me for marriage, why should I choose her? That is why she stormed off, getting angry.”
Young man’s parents said, “That is a horrible thing to say, why would you do such a thing; we are going back there to apologize”. The young man said that he did it on purpose, to test whether she could control her anger.
Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said “Do not get angry, do not get angry, do not get angry” repeatedly when asked how to become pious, because anger is from Satan.
The man added, “If a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she just met, do you think she will be able to control it with her husband?”
So, the moral of this story is, a marriage is based on: Knowledge not looks, Practice not preaching, Forgiveness not anger, Spiritual love not lust and compromise!
One should look for a person who:
- Has love for Allah (SWT) and his Messenger
- Has knowledge of the deen (religion), and can act upon it
- Can control her anger; and another important and crucial factor
- That she is willing to compromise
And it goes both ways, so women seeking a man, should look for the same things.
May Allah (SWT) make every marriage a success and let us create Love for Allah and his Messenger, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), so that Allah (SWT) can bless us, and create love in our lives.